We all have our own struggles, our own battles, which we fight with ourselves every day. We often do feel that why are we not privileged like those kids who are born with a silver spoon? We often question ourselves, ‘Why me?’ but as we grow up, we realise that there is no greater privilege than having the shadow of our parents above us. Here is the story of Ms Fargina Parvin, a 26 years old, physical education teacher at Acharya Tulsi Academy Orchids The International School, Newtown, who has mastered the art of feeling ‘privileged’ without having her parents’ mental existence.
Fargina was having a fun-filled childhood until lost her mother when she was 10 years old. After a year of her mother’s demise, her father remarried and then things were not fine. Initially, her father and her stepmother were good to her, since she and her sister were good at academics and sports, they wanted both of them to study till grade 10 and then get married, which is still now very common in some remote villages of our country. Her parent used to think that it was better to spend money on her wedding rather than her studies. The feeling of getting Fargina married became a feeling of peace and satisfaction to them, and this made her feel like a burden to her family.
Her brother Noorsed Alam is a physical education teacher at Narattampur Kahala B.B High school and has a bachelor’s degree in Physical Education from Calcutta University. He became her constant support and helped to pursue her education and stopped his father to get her married. Her brother has been very motivating and supportive, Fargina and her sister Sabina Yasmin who is a physical education teacher at Upgraded Model School, Sankola, also has bachelor’s and master’s degree in Physical Education from Calcutta University, both were supported by her brother so strongly that her parents couldn’t force the girls to get married. He always boosted our confidence and encouraged us to think about our careers.
After all this, she was facing a financial crisis but more than that her mental health was facing a worse crisis. She played athletics and kho-kho till the state level and got many scholarships which helped her to finish her higher education. When she used to see other participants accompanied by their parents, she felt alone and depressed. Till now, her parents have never accompanied her to any of the tournaments, which slowly started affecting her mental health. Despite having her brother beside her, she always felt the numbness of not having her parents beside her, especially during her felicitation ceremony. They have tried to a lot convince her and her sister to leave their studies and get married, but it did not work. They used to buy their own food because they knew if they ask for it then they might have to obey whatever they say. One plate meal was shared between her and her sister.
In 2020, Fargina got married. She has an extremely supportive husband and in-laws. Post-marriage, she completed her bachelor’s degree and master’s degree in physical education from Calcutta University. She had also represented her university in the state-level Kho-Kho championship, where her team won the tournament.
She has won Inter College district sports and games championship 2018-kho- kho and athletics. Was a participant in WB Inter College sports and games championship 2018 (kho- kho) and winner of Inter University kho- kho championship 2022
After Fargina, her brother and sister got the job, her parents changed. Now they have started motivating other parents to encourage their children to be self-dependent. Till now, Fargina gets traumatized while thinking about her past, how she dealt with the situation and going against her parents but she knows how to fight and never give up. “One day your parents will surely understand how important it is to stay beside their children, so my message for all those girls, who are constantly fighting for their individuality and independence, is keep fighting, never give up, you will shine,” said Fargina.